If Cinderella taught me anything,
it's that mending clothes for ungrateful stepfamily
is no way to spend a Saturday morning.
And to never date a prince,
no matter how noble his endeavors
to rescue you from coaches of gourd
or step sisters simpering and smarmy,
as it's not very nice to hike a hemline up to there
and then leave a girl sitting in the dirt
because her feet don't fit your glass vision.