Thursday, February 14, 2013

You Can't Have My Heart, But Here's My Spleen

I find VDay forced and artificial. Much like weddings. (Which is why I didn't have one.)

Despite its history (which does appear to date back to 16th century lovers giving each other tokens of affection) it's the epitome of the cellophane wrapped Hallmark Holiday.

I don’t like it.

So, I don’t bother with it.

But over the last few years, I've been drawn out of my normal, pleasant VDay apathy by several repeating irritants.

The Pressure 

Everyone else is celebrating and they want you to celebrate too!

Hey. I have my holidays and you have yours. That's cool.

I will smile and call it cute when you show me the card your boyfriend picked out or tell you to have fun on the $300 dinner date your husband or wife (though it's strangely, usually, the former) has splurged for.

But please, stop telling me I'm missing out by not indulging in any ephemeral actions of "romance" on this one day out of the 365 days we have each year. (And don't try to guilt trip my husband into thinking he should get me something. He knows me better than you do.)

Feminine Stereotypes

Words cannot express how tired I am of coming across adages in blogs and news articles alike that claim: "Women love to pretend that they don’t care about Valentine’s Day."


We do?

...dangers of a hive mind...
Tell me, did you poll every one of us or just ask a few women who travel in your circle and then make a sweeping assumption about everyone who identifies as a woman?

Or did women become a hive mind when I wasn't paying attention?

Women are just as diverse in their views about VDay as men are. And I'd venture to say that most of us actually do know what's going on in our own heads.

So, let's try this. 

If a woman (or anyone else) says they don't like the holiday, you take them at their word. If they really do like it but are putting on airs for some reason and get pissed at you for ignoring the holiday they claimed to dislike, that's their problem and, like an adult, they can put on their grown up pants and deal with it by actually having an honest conversation. 

And if you really do like VDay and you want your lover/girlfriend/wife/spouse/boyfriend/husband/friend-with-benefits to celebrate this day with you: speak up and say so. 

It's amazing how many things can be solved by a line of open communication.

Consider that little gem my VDay gift to the world. 

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